Red Hot Love or Radar Love? Which is it?

Have you ever wondered what the lyrics of songs actually were?

Did you ever sing the wrong lyrics?

At the top of your lungs?!

This is a Fab Short Story about the most famous mis-sung song in history!

Red Hot Love!

I mean…

Radar Love…

I mean…

Oh crap, which is it?

Dang that Golden Earring!

I don’t care… just read it!

And, if you have an extra moment…

Write a good review, because I know you’re going to love it!

Red Hot Love Or... Radar Love? Which is it?

oxo

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

—–

Now… go feed my fish!

They are freaking hungry, man!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Red Hot Love Or... Radar Love? Which is it?

Digital Edition only $0.99

Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

Available at Amazon!

E.B. White and Me

BUY IT TODAY!

xoxo

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

Beverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist

Awarded Author

Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!

FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain!

A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author

Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival

Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)

Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy

Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp

Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011

Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011

Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011

— Announcing  “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay!   Belle Karper,

— Announcing  “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.

Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com                         Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!

All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in!

Partied Last Night, Y’all…!

Partied with some old

(well, not so old,

just long-standing,

well some of them are old,

some of them are old-er,

and actually some of them are short,

but nothing is wrong with short,

and some of them are tall,

but I love them all).

Yes... and then there were more!

To make a long story short (too late)

We had a good time.

SWEET!

😉

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

—–

Now… go feed my fish!

They are freaking hungry, man!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Red Hot Love Or… Radar Love? Which is it?

Digital Edition only $0.99

Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

Available at Amazon!

E.B. White and Me

BUY IT TODAY!

xoxo

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

Beverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist

Awarded Author

Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!

FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain!

A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author

Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival

Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)

Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy

Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp

Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011

Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011

Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011

— Announcing  “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay!   Belle Karper,

— Announcing  “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.

Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com                         Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!

All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in!

Flew Back From Cancun, and Boy, Are My Arms Tired (Video)

(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

Well, as you may or may not know I just got back from Cancun. We had a rowdy time just me and my chick girlfriends.

Here’s a clip our kayaking adventures — we are a bunch of knuckleheads!

And, NO! That is not me leaning back in that Kayak… Please!

However…

We are just a bunch of idiots!

Look at me... I always have my mouth open! Watch the VIDEO!

YouTube, baby! Here we go!

xoxo,

Belle

A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author  

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com
WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!

“V” “V” for “Vasectomy!”

(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

So… as you all know, my husband had hernia surgery last Friday.

Let’s just say, that he is so lucky to have someone to love him, and to wait on him, and to cook for him 24 hours a day… it’s really too bad she lives 3000 miles away…

Nah! Just joking… (Love you, Mama Karper!)

When he and I got married, one of my wedding gifts from him was for him to get a vasectomy.

“V” “V” for “Victory!”

“V” “V” for “Vasectomy!”

The crowd responds and roars with ample applause, “Yeeeeaaaahhhh!”

Yes, that was a happy (and relieving) time in our lives, and I think back to that night… that night of his vasectomy surgery when he came limping home.

I stood ready with a frozen bag of peas to place on his “nads.”

He laid down carefully in our four-poster bed (thick posts, I might add.) Uniquely (not to be confused with “Eunuch-ly” which would mean that his manhood would’ve been cut off altogether… or all apart… as the case may be) appropriate for this surgery, as they stand wide and tall, phallic-ly representing ample length and girth.

😉

So, he lies in our bed and he retells the story of his surgery while his legs are spread with a package of peas on his delicate “package.”

Evidently the vasectomy procedure is done in stirrups… just like when all us chicks have to do when we go in for our beloved Pap smear. Yeah.

Well boys, we’ve had to be in this position for years, I might add.

And, I said an inward “Hallelujah!”

A man finally had to assume “the position.”

“Did the doctor ask you to scoot down?” I ask with an inward smirk…

His reply was, “Yes.”

My heart warms at the thought of my man, any man, having his bare fuzzy ass leering over the edge of that damn stirrup table.

Another inward “Hallelujah!” once again.

Of course I didn’t demonstrate to him my glee that his “taint” was exposed for all to see. I kept that to myself, as I smiled. But make no mistake, I did smile.

“Honey how do you feel, my love? Are the peas doing the trick? Maybe another package by now? Frozen carrots, perhaps?”

“No.” He says, “No carrots, thanks.”

Another use for the term, “Pass the peas, please” that is not dinner time usage. Hoorah for the expansion of our dear english language.

Peas… the new superfood.

Well, there he lies, pained and silence with spring fresh vegetables cooling his groin, and I said, “Let me make you dinner… you’ve had an awfully hard day.”

“Honey, you are just too good to me,” he said.

“I know. I am looking to repair that flaw of mine sometime soon.”    😉

So, I go downstairs and prepare a meal fit for a vasectomized King.

While, upstairs he waits watching “2 1/2 Men”… and trying desperately not to laugh.

I prepared a bed tray for him.

I unfolded the legs.

I placed a napkin and flatware to the right.

A Diet Mountain Dew. The nectar of the caffeinated gods, I placed on the tray, and a glass of ice (with a straw) while my man’s dinner was cooking.

I could hear his pained “guffaws” as he resisted the surgery, the peas, and the “2 1/2 Men.”

But, I must prepare his food, mustn’t I?

If not me, then who would feed his vasectomized balls?

So on a plate I placed his meal, with a candle on the side.

Mood lighting, you know.

I carried the tray slowly… regally… I mean, he did do all this just for me.

He had his sack cut.

How much more love could he show me?

So yes, I carried this tray with pride and pomp because the circumstances lied there neutered on that bed.

And, I set down his tray of culinary delights… a hot dog and two apricots cut by a knife.

Vasectomy Dinner

Be well,

Belle

A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!

OMG…What was I thinking?

(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

Well, I just don’t know how this happened…

I don’t know what I was thinking really…

It seems tonight that I have about 80 people coming over for a parent meeting for my son’s wrestling team.

AND, I have my Annual Holiday Ornament Party Saturday as well… but which I do not know how many people are coming… quite a few.

How could I have possibly booked two large events at my home in the same week?

Am I a glutton for punishment?

Do I like stress and tranquilizers?

How many times do I really want artichoke dip?

These are the questions that I ask myself.

Well, as always, when the coach was looking for somebody to step up to the plate to offer their home for a parent meeting… nobody raised their hands.

So, it’s sort of like I was standing still and the team stepped backwards.

I get to do this by default.

Although, I have to admit that the house looks stunning in preparation for the annual ornament party.

How I can call my annual ornament party and “annual party” is beyond me, since last year I didn’t even put up one single tree… and as I go through the house, I count a mere 18 (not a typo) decorated trees in our home from 10-feet tall on down.

Not to mention all of the doo-dah on the banister and the along stairwell…

or the decorations in the den…

or the decorations in each bathroom…

or… or… or…

That’s a lot of tinsel, baby…

Well, I don’t know what I was thinking but now my brownies are burning and I have to get back to them.

Holy crap… I’ve got a lot of partying to do!

I’ll check in with you after tonight’s devastation… I mean meeting.  😉

xoxo

Be well,

Belle

  A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!

Farmville — A Picture is 1000 Words… or a Couple… (Part 3)

 (Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

TO GET THINGS STARTED AGAIN, we’ll back track a little or you can get the whole prior parts of the story by ******* CLICKING HERE *******

So in need of FA… (Farmville Anonymous).

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…”

“Go ahead honey, you can say it… you’re in a safe and accepting place…”

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…FARMVILLE!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying).

There is a rumble in the audience. People twisting in their chairs. FA is a tough crowd, man… they have all survived… FARMVILLE! WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying again — can you hear the addiction in that cry?).

Sad, huh?

Sad. Sad. Saaa-aaad.

“It’s okay, Belle. How many times did you go on ‘the game that shall not be named?’”

And, I mutter through my sobs… I turned on my computer… and I never… I never got off!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying still more).

My husband and my parents are sitting next to me for moral support… they are shaking their heads…

“We lost her. She’s our only daughter… And, she’s… well, you heard her… gone… to Farmville.”

My dad pulls out a hanky and blows his nose. My mom… suffers in silence. Slight whimpering, her only evidence that she hasn’t fainted… My husband twists his wedding band around his finger… questioning his 2-year old, “I do.”

The tragedy.

Belle…. Lost to Farmville…

So my life has now hit a new level…

I would like to say it hit a new low, but that may be aiming too high.

It wasn’t that long ago that I scoffed those that posted their Farmville Photos on Facebook.

Ha!

Ridiculous!

Like, whoooo would ever want to do that? Right?

Well…

Hmmm…

Maybe I was a little too judgmental.

Yes, my husband reminds me that a mere month ago, I giggled at the thought of people taking pictures of their cartoon farm.

So, in response to that, I am here to show you pictures of my farm keeping skills…

Enjoy!

Here… You can appreciate the sense of order that I have here on the farm.

All my animals shoved to nicely into a row.

As you can see, I have the ultimate “brown-nosing” farming techniques DOWN.

Yes… things are a’blooming!

Life is grand now that I have invested in fencing, yes?

It is that I have two types of fencing here. I have regular white fencing, and I have my new “scary” fencing that is termed as dreadful, that I dropped $48,000 of precious Farmville coins on.

Somehow no one appreciates the beauty of my “goth” gatekeeping skills. My only concern is that I might not have bought enough of these overpriced limited edition funky fake cartoon fencing pieces at $1000 a clip.

Me, being an 18-year veteran of real estate commercial development (no lie), it is imperative that I get this set up just right.

Frankly… I have big plans, but in the beginning, if you would have checked my farm you might have noticed that even my cows have a house.

Five of them.

Yes, my cows had a house, but I was sleeping in the tool shed.

And, not even the big tool shed.

The little one.

That I got for free… from Farmville… because I was so damn fricking cheap to buy it myself.

Well…

I DID have plans, and I was working real hard… saving up my Farmville dough… hoarding my money so that I could make a cool million and invest the beautiful Villa mansion on level 34.

What can I say, baby? Real estate is in my blood.

….

Please, pity me at this moment.

I am now developing cartoon real estate.

So, like I said, I’m working hard on saving up my “experience” credits for the big digs.

Yep, holding out for the Villa.

Million-dollar price tag…

Until I noticed that level 34, the people at that level had about 80,000+ Experience credits compared to my 27,000 Experience credits at level 25. 

Well, I don’t need to be a brainiac (or maybe I do) to understand that to get to level 25, took an average of 1000 credits a level.

And, THAT was a pain in the ass.

Now, facing a difference of 53,000 experience credits to be made up in 9 levels — well, that makes my new average of needing to accomplish approximately 6000 experience credits PER LEVEL from now on.

Well… crap.

Uh… Holy crap.

Can you tell that I was a Math Minor in college?

Well, let just say that I easily can breakdown costs to benefits… and basically I would have about a billion “Farmville” coins before I would even be allowed to buy the freaking villa.

Yeah… like that’s gonna happen.

I’ve got a life, man!

I can’t sit here nursing a cartoon farm up the wa-wa!

I ‘ve got things to do…

People to see…

Places to go…

Oh, yeah…

And, crops to turn. Hold on… My blueberries are withering….

….

…. … .. .

Okay, I’m back.

The blueberries are fine. I am sure that you were concerned, so don’t be.

Well, like I was saying…

I can’t wait for dang villa and level 34!

I can’t sleep in the tool shed… the little tool shed until the end of time.

It’s time to spend some freaking Farmville cash!

So, yeah… I bought the Dreadful fencing pieces… And, the whitewash gates… and a house…

And, a barn… and a silo… whatever that is.

Bridal arches. Maybe for my daughter’s wedding there… 😉

I’ve got a bird house, and a lawnmower, three lakes, a harvesting machine, a tractor, and a seeder.

I have spent a whole bunch on money on arches and entries and mail boxes… and…

Oh, wait…

Look here… a little greeting…

Maybe a Hello… How thoughtful!

Uh… Oh My…

Oh Goodness… “HELP ME NOW!”

“Or the Cow is… ?”

My heavens.

Hmmm…

This is worse than even I thought.

Worse than you even thought, I am sure…

Or the cow is…

What?

Or the cow is… toast?

Or the cow is… finished?

Or the cow is…

What?

Steak?

This is serious.

Now you all saw it, right?

That poor cow…

But, wait… another…

Farmville back to normal… Where did the message go?

It’s as if it were never there… the plea… the hope… the warning…

Gone.

….

TO BE CONTINUED…!

Be well,

Belle

  78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!

Farmville… Keep It Coming! (Part 2)

 (Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

TO GET THINGS STARTED AGAIN, we’ll back track a little or you can get the whole prior part of the story by ******* CLICKING HERE *******

But… Then all my peeps and buds on Facebook started sending me all these gifty things for Farmville…

Who knew?

A Pig here.

A Goat.

Two people even sent me some elephants.

Elephants?

Yeah… like those belong on a farm.

Right.

Guess what they make?

Circus Peanuts.

They make circus peanuts.

Hmmm… I hate to break it to you… but those are awfully large “circus peanuts” that come out of a cute little elephant, if you know what I mean.

And… I wouldn’t recommend eating any of those so-called peanuts, okay?

Eeeeeeuuuw.

It’s just wrong.

Well… I had 82 (eighty-two) gifts sitting on my Home Page of Facebook.

Go figure.

82.

That’s quite a bit, right?

But… remember, I was NEVER going to play Farmville.

I have got no time.

Right.

My son nearly died when I told him that I had DELETED THEM ALL.

Yes, I deleted all 82 gifts.

I mean, what hell am I going to do with a pig that finds truffles, right?

I don’t even freaking like truffles.

Gag.

So, needless the say, “am-scray on the ig-pay.”

Until… my son showed me the Farmville light…

I never deleted any gifts again.

Yes, until my son “showed me the light” of Farmville.

I can here the angels sing like the old Star Trek theme song when I think of the word Farmville, now.

How even sadder is that?

Yeah… not good.

You better call the paramedics now.

But, you better make sure that they bring with them a pig that finds those stinking truffles that I can’t stomach (and now I found out that I don’t have to actually eat the truffles), a duck whose down feathers I can sell, or a horse with a “hair problem” or… I am not letting them through the front door.

Come bearing gifts, baby, or the deadbolt stays locked!

So… my dear son made me RE-announce to my FB friends that he was going to suck it up, and help his lame mother with the starting of her farm, and to please start sending gifts again.

Yeah… please forgive the old bag that she deleted all those fabulous gifts… she didn’t know the value of them then. Please forgive that she wasn’t a FV convert, and start sending us some goods so that we can get our farm thing started…

Please…

Little did I know that I was inviting my first “crack” addiction…

Yeah.

Stupid, I was… please send me stuff… and keep it coming… I need to fill my veins with the stuff.

It looked so innocent, right?

So “neighborly”…

And, in the gifts came.

I got so excited!

My son and I were actually able to communicate with the same glazed monitor-ial stare I used to only attibute to him when he played “Martian Rangers Kill Texas Hold-Em.”

I feel so proud.

So honored.

So in need of FA… (Farmville Anonymous).

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…”

“Go ahead honey, you can say it… you’re in a safe and accepting place…”

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…FARMVILLE!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying).

There is a rumble in the audience. People twisting in their chairs. FA is a tough crowd, man… they have all survived… FARMVILLE! WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying again — can you hear the addiction in that cry?).

Sad, huh?

Sad. Sad. Saaa-aaad.

“It’s okay, Belle. How many times did you go on ‘the game that shall not be named?'”

And, I mutter through my sobs… I turned on my computer… and I never… I never got off!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying still more).

My husband and my parents are sitting next to me for moral support… they are shaking their heads…

“We lost her. She’s our only daughter… And, she’s… well, you heard her… gone… to Farmville.”

My dad pulls out a hanky and blows his nose. My mom… suffers in silence. Slight whimpering, her only evidence that she hasn’t fainted… My husband twists his wedding band around his finger… questioning his 2-year old, “I do.”

The tragedy.

Belle…. Lost to Farmville…

….

TO BE CONTINUED…!                  

TO PROCEED TO THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY ******* CLICK HERE *******

Be well,

Belle

  78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!

How Easy is Facebook?!

 (Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

So for all y’all 33,000 Twitter followers of mine ( @BelleKarper http://twitter.com/bellekarper — Let me know your twitter!) — I think it’s time that I share the secret (not really a secret), but the ease of signing up for FACEBOOK.

Now I know that some of you are avid Twitter followers, but it is so much more fun to communicate on Facebook because you can use so many more letters!

Like way more than 140…

First, you just go to the link here that I have for FACEBOOK and you type in your name, your e-mail, and give yourself a password.

Here’s where the scary part fits in for some people… you have to put in your birthdate.

Eeeek! 

I know… I was bothered at first.

I mean… I am a woman, and am entitled to lie about my age, right?

Well, get your panties out of a wad.

Nobody does anything with this information and frankly when you set up your profile page you get to choose whether you want your birthday to be public information or not.

So… don’t be afraid of putting in the real date!

The fun part of putting in your birthday is that it notifies all the people who are your “friends” when your birthday is, and then you get a whole bunch of birthday messages from all your buddies.

So fun, huh?

Now once you get your account, you can fill out your profile… or not.

You can put in your picture… or not.

But, what you really need to do is put in a friend request for ” Belle Karper !”

Now, that’s not too difficult is it?

You can follow my Blog — Belle Karper’s Beauties and Beasts (I almost wrote Bastards there!! Ha!)

And, then click into my fan page!

You don’t even need to reveal too much, just friend me and then we can talk more over Facebook.

I’m digging it!

And… we can play Farmville together.

You can be my neighbor!

I’ve got an awesome farm — due to my son! He’s my Farmville Prince!

Be well,

Belle

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!

What I Missed… and What I Didn’t…

 (Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

 

My darling husband went on this moutain biking trip.

I couldn’t go because I had to stay home and do the “Mommy Thing” and send my kids off to the Homecoming Dance in style (my son’s first!).

So this is what I missed in Bryce Canyon…

Utah...

Riding the "fin" in Bryce -- I have had nightmares about rides just like this!

 

Beautiful Bryce Canyon

 

This is the trail... Riding between rocks instead of trees...

I call this "The Balls" of Bryce Canyon!

 

AND this is what I didn’t miss… My kid’s Homecoming Dance…

 

 

 

And, here he is...

My Handsome Guy

My Precious Duo

My daughter and her date... Yowza

Some of the Gang...

My Girl and her Crew!

I figure Bryce will still be there after this dance… but, this night…

Well, you get the picture.

Be well,

Belle

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!

Who Won?

 (Save it, Baby! Count me in!)

So, it goes like this . . .

 

Well, let’s just suffice it to say that I had to spray a lot of perfume on this morning. There was no time to shower, much less mascara my eyelashes. This game was just too dang early…

 I’m not happy to admit this, and so I am not formally admitting this… but my husband informs me that I may not be a “morning person.”

Huh?

What does he know?

He is off riding the mountainsides in Utah right now.

He may or may not be right. I don’t have the freaking patience to find out at this early hour, but I did have a hard time waking up this morning.

Go figure.

My only incentives being:

A. To see my son play

B. To see my son play well

C. To see my son play well against “dickhead.”

Now, I am not one to hold any grudges.

Like, I have almost forgiven that little bitch in high school… almost.

I don’t use the voodoo doll on her anymore… well, only semi-annually.

Heck, I have other things to do than live in the past.

And, that neighbor that I used to have living near me, emphasis on used to (and no, nothing mysterious happened to her… much to my regret. She just moved… how common, right?)

Let’s just say that when the book came out, The Devil Wears Prada, I thought it was about my neighbor.

Bee-atch, with a small ass and rock-hard boobs.

Yikes. I remember the first time she hugged me. I was bruised for a week from her plastic surgery stone tits.

Well, I am still in therapy over all of that neighborhood nonsense stuff. 

No one here misses her dropping her garbage into other people’s cans.

Yeah baby, you can keep your dirty diapers to yourself.

Schtinky.

My dog misses them though. Evidently, there is something attractive with the scent of toddler diarrhea rolled in a Pampers disposables…

Eeeeeeuuuuw.

So, like I said I’m not one to keep grudges. So the fact that we are facing up dickhead and his team this morning is double-edged.

First off, I had to drive all the way back to my house because I forgot my chair.

I knew this was not going to be a good sign.

My sweet little sugar-coated ass would melt on the beauty of the morning dew if I were to sit on the ground. We can’t be having any of that wet dew sinking into my “down there” now can we?

Right.

So, I drove back to get my chair.

Gosh.

Secondly, I can’t help it that I express myself verbally.

Calling a kid dickhead seemed and still seems appropriate, and if the conditions arise again… and I feel the need to express myself in these and other matters, then I am bound by the “Mother Bear” Codes of Conduct to protect my little cub.

Regardless.

And… I am going to disregard the coaches messages left on my cell phone informing me of various muzzle supply shops.

A muzzle?

For who?

Dickhead?

That might be a little extreme for a 15-year-old, but I picked one up for him just in case.

I do understand the mouths of these babes, because I live with two teenagers and I could see how it could come in handy.

Like… everyday.

So, I bought him an extra-large.

Because he has an extra-large dickhead.

Du-u-uh.

I learned that from my kids… that “duh” thing.

Doesn’t it just make you feel good all over?

….

Well, right now… we are knee-deep in the second half and the score is one-to-one.

The kids are dripping with sweated competitiveness. Licking their teenaged chops for this victory that is due them. The tension hovers over the parents around me.

And me… well, I am in a catatonic stare… they are all navy colored enemies against our white shirted boys, and now those 15-year-old little penile wannabes threaten our good Saturday.

They have kicked two of our guys in the balls.

Hard.

One of their players received a red card.

And if that is not enough, they have tackled my son to the point where he was lying on the ground for literally two minutes.

Just lying there.

Unmoving.

And, I was not allowed to go on the field.

Mama bear does not like this part.

And, I’m going to tell you that two minutes is a very long time when your son is in pain, on the ground and not moving.

….

I would like to say that we won the game, but we did not.

We played a hard fight, but a clean one.

I left my comments until after the three tweets of the whistles were heard, signaling the end of the game.

Then I let a few “explicatives” fly…

A tough loss for all…

For us…

For other dickheads across the world…

And… for the world…

I don’t think that I am over exaggerating here, when I say that this IS a tough loss for the entire world…

Tragic.

And then of course, we all went to CoCo’s for breakfast.

🙂

Hug, hug, kiss, kiss, Y’all — Even you with hard boobies — Still love ya! xoxo

 

The is the final to: 

If you don’t know who dickhead is … ***** Then Click Here *****  

A must read story.

A follow-up story with pictures is ***** Here*****

Be well,

Belle

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
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Save it, Baby! Count me in!