Live at the Playboy Mansion!… (pics)
So… I gotta tell you. I didn’t know what to expect.
It was supposed to be a Rock-n-Roll night with all kinds of Rock Stars Performing.
Including Steven Tyler.
Oh Yeah.
And, god knows that if I had to “do” a Rock Star… Steven Tyler would be the number one.
I mean look at him…
Steven Tyler, you fine little thing you!
Now… I know that this is the same pic that I posted yesterday…
And, I know that I told you that he was going to kiss my hand…
I know I told you that.
But, what happened was so much better!
Eeeek!
It’s true.
So there I was amongst the crush of the audience.
And, I have to tell you that I did look divine!
I decided to go 80’s Retro Bouffant Rock Glam!
Check it out —
Gotta check out the doo!
Now I am already having a wild time even before I hit the red carpet–
I am hitting up the bar…Of course. Hello? I am at a party, right? And then in walks….
Jack Russell of Great White
Bruce Kulick of KISS
Belle with Alan White from YES!
Before you know it, I am having drinks with
Billy Sheehan of Mr. Big, Steve Vai and David Lee Roth
Belle with Rudy Sarzo of Quiet Riot and Ozzy Osbourne!
Belle with Mark Hudson Producer/Songwriter for Aerosmith and Ringo Star
Belle Karper with Kip Winger of Winger (So freaking hot on stage!)
Mark Hudson and Kip Winger on Stage at the Playboy Mansion
Belle Karper with Vinny Appice of Black Sabbath and Dio
Vinny Appice (Black Sabbath and Dio) & Phil Soussan (Billy Idol and Osbourne) being interviewed by gal from “E”
Teddy Andreadis of Guns N’ Roses and Alice Cooper
You can always find him among the vertile bunnies!
Plus, let us not forget our Dear Steven…
Or on the stage…
Check out those lips. Come on, guess!
Come on! You can do it!
That’s right!
Steven Tyler, you silly kids.
Now I have to tell you a little story about this cute little Steven Tyler.
Yes, yes, of Aerosmith. That’s right. Now let me talk.
He was onstage, doing things that only Steven Tyler can do.
Yeah, just use your imagination, kay?
And, he come off stage and comes around the center of the audience and then behind the safety of a cluster of instrument panels.
Safety, huh?
Well, I just followed him right around… standing there drooling like everybody else, right?
Hey, I need to be honest here.
Yeah. We were drooling.
Men and Women alike.
Have we no shame?
Well… no.
No. We have no shame.
Now that we’ve got that over with.
All of a sudden this pathway opens up going right toward him.
It’s like it was calling me… “Belle! Belle!”
Well, that’s my f-ing-name, right?
So I followed it. I followed it so that I was right next to the bunny, Steven, and the other bunny and then ME!
Hell, I could take that bunny out, no problem.
But, I am a little better than that. Not much, but a little, okay?
So I lean over in front of bunny number one.
I say, “Hey Steven! I’m Belle Karper.”
And he turns and says four inches from my face. FOUR INCHES!
He says to me, “Hey Beautiful!” (Hey Beautiful is not too shabby, so I’ll take it!)
I say, “I think you’re just wonderful!”
“Thank you!” he says.
Then I say, “Hey, I want you to tell Phillip Phillips (p2) that–“
“Who?”
“Phillip Phillips of American Idol,”
“Oh yeah, Okay?”
“I want you to tell him that he has the Cougar Vote!”
He started laughing and he said, “I will!”
And, then I joke you not, he tickled my tummy!
TICKLED MY TUMMY!
I may never wash there for the rest of my life!
How’s that for an adventure!
Just like the fun little Flash-Fiction Rock-N-Roll Adverture in my New Short Story —
“Is it RED HOT LOVE? Or… RADAR LOVE?
Only $0.99 on Amazon.com for all readers.
The funfilled ride about that ellusive Song Radar Love Song by Golden Earring — The most miss-sung song in history (Say that three times fast!)
Here are some more fun pics from the Playboy Mansion of me, my friends, other entertainers and the zoo.
If you want all the pics please click here for my FACEBOOK and become a subscriber to my personal page.
You can also “LIKE” my other page and get involved on that page, too!
So BUY MY BOOK ! And be a little… OR a lot jealous that Steven Tyler called me BEAUTIFUL and that HE TICKLED MY TUMMY!
YUMMY AWESOME!
Xxoo
Belle
—–
Now… go feed my fish!
They are freaking hungry, man!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Red Hot Love Or… Radar Love? Which is it?
Digital Edition only $0.99
Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
Available at Amazon!
- E.B. White and Me
xoxo
Belle
Beverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist
Awarded Author
Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!
FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain!
A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author
Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival
Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)
Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy
Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp
Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011
Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011
Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011
— Announcing “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay! Belle Karper,
— Announcing “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.
Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!
All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in! 
What I am going to see at the Playboy Mansion Tomorrow Night…! (pics)
Hey you guys!
I was invited to the Playboy Mansion tomorrow night (Saturday).
Yeah, you read that right, Jack!
And, it’s about F-ing time!
A whole bunch of people are going to be there…
Including…
Steven Tyler, and he’s going to kiss my hand!
Of course from Aerosmith and American Idol…
Yeah THAT guy.
Hee! Hee!
Steven Tyler, you fine little thing you!
Among other things.
(Wink-Wink!)
Plus, this is what I think I am going to see first…
The One and Only Playboy Mansion!
And, then I think I am going to see a whole lot of this…
The Naughty-Naughties (See me in the background? I’m the one with the perfect A$$!)
(Wink-Wink!)
Right.
😉
And Rock n Roll Rules!!
Xxoo
Belle
—–
Now… go feed my fish!
They are freaking hungry, man!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Red Hot Love Or… Radar Love? Which is it?
Digital Edition only $0.99
Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
Available at Amazon!
- E.B. White and Me
xoxo
Belle
Beverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist
Awarded Author
Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!
FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain! A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author
Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival
Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)
Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy
Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp
Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011
Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011
Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011
— Announcing “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay! Belle Karper,
— Announcing “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.
Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!
All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in!
Red Hot Love or Radar Love? Which is it?
Have you ever wondered what the lyrics of songs actually were?
Did you ever sing the wrong lyrics?
At the top of your lungs?!
This is a Fab Short Story about the most famous mis-sung song in history!
Red Hot Love!
I mean…
I mean…
Oh crap, which is it?
Dang that Golden Earring!
I don’t care… just read it!
And, if you have an extra moment…
Write a good review, because I know you’re going to love it!
Red Hot Love Or... Radar Love? Which is it?
oxo
Belle
—–
Now… go feed my fish!
They are freaking hungry, man!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Red Hot Love Or... Radar Love? Which is it?
Digital Edition only $0.99
Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
Available at Amazon!
- E.B. White and Me
xoxo
Belle
Beverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist
Awarded Author
Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!
FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain! A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author
Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival
Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)
Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy
Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp
Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011
Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011
Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011
— Announcing “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay! Belle Karper,
— Announcing “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.
Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!
All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in!
Dick Clark… Dies at 82.
It’s amazing to think that Dick Clark actually died.
The ageless, flawless man.
Who could have thought that he was actually mortal?
Dick Clark... ever ageless
He started at American Bandstand.
American Bandstand.
You can google that show if you need to, or just click here: American Bandstand
What an incredible journey his life has had.
So many people learnerd how to dance because of that show.
They learned how to rock ‘n roll.
But, The most miraculous thing about Dick Clark… was that he never aged.
Hmmm…
What a thought.
I could buy into that.
I could be digging that.
Oh, yeah.
So, that ageless thing has done him well…
And the fact that he wasa brilliant guy in front of the behind the cameras.
Not too shabby.
$100 Million at 82, means you’re doing something right.
I heard he was a great guy.
I just need to know the name of his plastic surgeon… or at least his make-up lady.
😉
Rest in Peace.
Another legend now in the outfield…
xoxo
Belle
—–
Now… go feed my fish!
They are freaking hungry, man!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Red Hot Love Or… Radar Love? Which is it?
Digital Edition only $0.99
Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
Available at Amazon!
- E.B. White and Me
xoxo
Belle
Beverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist
Awarded Author
Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!
FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain! A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author
Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival
Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)
Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy
Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp
Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011
Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011
Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011
— Announcing “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay! Belle Karper,
— Announcing “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.
Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!
All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in!
I am an OFFICAL SELECTION FINALIST for the Upcoming Beverly Hills Film Festival!
I am an OFFICAL SELECTION FINALIST for the Upcoming Beverly Hills Film Festival!
Official Selection Finalist in the Beverly Hills Film Festival!
Yes!
What you read here is absolutely true!
YAY!
I would just like to thank all the little people who made this moment possible! Blah-Blah-Blah!
Glad to say that I am in the running for the coveted Golden Palm Award… and why not?!
Loving this.
Anybody who is in the area April 25 through 29, I would love to see you and meet up with you!
Hell, we can even have coffee!… Decaf, of course!
Can’t wait!
xoxo
Belle
Now… go feed my fish!
They are freaking hungry, man!
—–
Digital Edition only $0.99
Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!
Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!
Available at Amazon!
- E.B. White and Me
xoxo
Belle
Beverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist
Awarded Author
Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!
FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain! A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author
Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival
Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)
Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy
Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp
Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011
Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011
Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011
— Announcing “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay! Belle Karper,
— Announcing “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.
Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!
All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in!
Fade In Awards
FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain!
A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author
Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival
Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)
Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy
Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp
Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011
Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011
Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011
— Announcing “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay! Belle Karper,
— Announcing “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.
Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!
All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in!
Just a Little Fun in the Sun… (Pics & Video)
(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)
So, it goes like this . . .
Unfortunately, I am having problems with my keyboard… so this will be a quicky! And, we all know how you love quickies!
It’s hard to learn everything all at once! Digging this YouTube!
xoxo,
Belle
A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author 
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com
WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!
All on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!
Flew Back From Cancun, and Boy, Are My Arms Tired (Video)
(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)
So, it goes like this . . .
Well, as you may or may not know I just got back from Cancun. We had a rowdy time just me and my chick girlfriends.
Here’s a clip our kayaking adventures — we are a bunch of knuckleheads!
And, NO! That is not me leaning back in that Kayak… Please!
However…
We are just a bunch of idiots!
Look at me... I always have my mouth open! Watch the VIDEO!
YouTube, baby! Here we go!
xoxo,
Belle
A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com
WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!
It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To… (Pics)
(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)
So, it goes like this . . .
There we were getting ready for our annual holiday ornament party. Friends had up from orange County and from various parts of southern California. My parents were here helping along with a couple that come up from Long Beach to help us run the bar and make our celebration terrific. My husband has known them for many years, and they are from the same parts of Pennsylvania.
So I climb in the shower, and I’m doing all my normal things. Which one of my friends would call the PTA.
What is the PTA?
Well somebody might think that PTA means Parent Teacher Association. And, they might be right if there were from Alabama, and NOT in the shower.
Hmmm… The PTA.
And, like I said I was in the shower doing my normal things, which included the PTA…
Puss, Tits and Ass.
Well, let’s be real… everything does need to be cleaned, right?
I have to look, smell and feel absolutely divine for my guests that are coming for the annual Christmas party… so everything gets washed including the PTA.
So, I climb out of the shower and I’m towelling off…
I am calm, because downstairs I know that everything is in place.
The Bar.
The Buffet.
The vegetable crudite display and the candles in the chandeliers were lit.
24 Christmas Trees dangling beautiful ornaments from around the globe …
Yes, now the number had grown to 24 trees. I can’t help it. They just look so beautiful… I can’t stop buying them.
It looked like a gigantic Winter Wonderland inside my house…
Sans the snow…
And, of course, no mittens or galoshes…
79 degree California weather with palm trees outside.
A giant California Winter wonderland, okay?
We Californians have got to do it our own way… I just throw a little “Alabama” in on the side from time to time — with a Y’all here, and a Y’all there! But, you understand that I do have some of the California affectations absorbed by now, and so… well, I don’t really do anything “small.”
So, yeah, I’ve got 24 Christmas trees running up my electricity bill. It’s beautiful, dang it. So get over it.
Yes, now there I am. Unusally calm with the impending knowledge that very shortly my home was going to be alive with about 80 other minds… and the fact that I was going to have to be witty, charming, and beautiful… Well, hell… I should have been freaking out.
Don’t worry…
My calm didn’t last for long.
The help was busy prepping the hot food and everything was on schedule.
So, there I was… still damp, with my PTA’s still tingling.
I had just begun to shimmy into my beaded dress because I wanted to do all my makeup and hair after I finally got my dress on.
It’s a fabulous dress, but I don’t know why I always buy such complicated clothing. Once again, not a “step in” dress… an “over the head” dress with straps going this way and that.
Just a fricking pain in the butt to get this dress on.
Holy crap, what a mess.
I am standing there contemplating just wearing the stinking thing as a partial top since it was strangulating to get the dress on over my head and wet showered hair. One arm in, one breast out.
No problem. Throw on a skirt and my left tit will be the hit of the party.
Right.
So, I finally get the frigging thing on.
Slide it down over my hips.
Thank God it still fits.
I’ve been eating my weight in turkey, brownies, fudge and cheesecake for the past two weeks. So, my ass is about the size of Oklahoma right now.
Thank God for the proverbial black dress…
… that stretches….
A silent “yay” for the creation of Spandex.
Bless this inventor, this Sultan of Elasticity. I will always display their label of honor on my expanding derriere…
So, I finally get this beautiful, god-forsaken, beaded strappy dress over my head with final authority, and slick it down the side of me.
Finally.
I need a frigging drink just to get this dress on.
Relax. Relax.
“Honey, can you get my a green apple martini from the bar?”
Yes, relax.
Help is on the way…
No sooner to I get the dress on… zipped up… looking in the mirror I turn left, and turn right… and of course, curse the size of my butt…
When all hell breaks loose. The fire alarm starts to go off at my house. It’s a loud blaring bell that is completely destructive to all your senses.
BANG, BANG, BANG.
CLANG, CLANG, CLANG.
WTF?
Aaaaaaaah! I am running down the stairs with a trail of obscenities still stabbing the air behind me. Shoeless, and bra-less. Boobs bouncing, and wet hair flopping.
80-some people are coming to laugh and schmooze in less than an hour. WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO? TELL THEM THE NOISE IS SANTA COMING…
AND COMING…
I NEED THAT ALARM OFF. PRONTO.
“What the hell is going on?” I scream.
I then begin pounding the number buttons on the alarm pad.
Pressing. Jabbing. Cursing. Screaming. But, the alarm keeps screeching.
7 minutes of this was enough to drive me out of my f-ing mind. “We’ve gone to all this trouble for this party, I need for you (the alarm) to shut the hell up! (:?sdt% qvio4$ — More obscenities) ”
I was screaming so many bad words, that I ran out of them and had to make some new ones up.
I finally pressed a series of numbers that seem to work…
Aaaaah. Sigh of relief…
Well, it worked for 10 ten seconds, and then:
BANG, BANG, BANG.
CLANG, CLANG, CLANG.
HOLY CRAP!
I have this vision of all these firetrucks pulling up elbowing my guests, “Excuse me Ma’am, but we’ve got a fire in this house to attend to.”
“A FIRE?” And, then of course my guests run screaming for their lives.
Nice.
Yeah, that’s the type of celebration I wanted to have that night. Right.
Fun. Fun. Fun.
Right.
Another 6 minutes of ear-piercing stressing-inducing mind-numbing noise enveloped my house. What the heck am I going to do?
Where is my alarm company?
“Ding-dong.”
BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM. Pounding on the door right next to where I was standing cursing and banging the alarm codes. I could feel the vibrations of the knocking.
I’m thinking, holy crap, the firetrucks are here and I am going to get a humongous bill from the City for a false fire alarm.
Shit.
I open the door, “Is everything alright here, ma’am? We got a signal at the station.”
It was a man from the alarm company dressed in a Kevlar vest and carrying a “piece.”
My eyes widen.
Double holy crap.
“Well, this alarm thing won’t go off, and in a matter of minutes I am going to be hosting a holiday party. I can’t have this thing going off! We’re supposed to be singing god-damn christmas carols! Help! I need help, man! I need this thing to stop to improve my stinking mood. I’m supposed to having fun, and I am NOT having any fun here, Sunshine.”
We finally got it to stop. “I can’t guarantee that it won’t start-up again,” he said.
Holy guaca-crapping-christmas-colored-mole.
“Well, that is the point when I will rip the freaking alarm out of the wall, sir.”
He looks at my husband. A knowing nod passes between them.
This must be male code for “and you have to live with this, huh?”
“Smile for the camera. You’re now part of this night,” I said.
So, I in barefeet and he in his kevlar, had just settled down the long alarm for a nap.
And, what to my wandering eyes should appear, but 80 familiar faces carrying ornamental reindeer.
Where up in the past the alarm rose such a clatter, and now it all behind us, it didn’t seem to matter.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and stopped all the ringing and turned with a jerk.
Laying his hand upon the side of his Glock, I thought for a moment he was going to whip out his …
Identification.
You guys are so naughty… I just love it!
And, giving a nod, out the door he did flee, this house of freakouts and terminal glee.
He sprang to his patrol car, gave a loud call, “Have a great party, my dear! Oh, Belle of the Ball!”
But, I heard him exclaim as he drove away faster, “If is goes off again, I know a man that’s good in repairing wall plaster!”
…
The party was a great success… and, the alarm did NOT go off again.
Thank you, jeeze Louise.
We drank, and we schmoozed, and some carols we did sing.
But, the alarm stayed silent, not nearly a ring!
Here are some pics from the party!
xoxo
Be well,
Belle
A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!
Death is such an odd thing…
(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)
So, it goes like this . . .
Death.
Such an odd thing.
Especially when you know that some one is going to die… in a matter of moments.
Eminent death.
Nothing can be done.
You wait there… until the decision is made.
Until the decision is made.
. . . __________________________________
The pulsing beep stops.
Just one loud long blare of announcement… that the heart… well, no longer feeling… beating… living…
BEEP…______________________________
Until silence.
Another decisive switch is turned.
The time noted.
Heads hung low.
Silent tears of the unstoppable, unescapable moment.
Pause the reality.
Yes… it is the end…
Be well,
Belle
78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!
Farmville… Keep It Coming! (Part 2)
(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)
So, it goes like this . . .
TO GET THINGS STARTED AGAIN, we’ll back track a little or you can get the whole prior part of the story by ******* CLICKING HERE *******
But… Then all my peeps and buds on Facebook started sending me all these gifty things for Farmville…
Who knew?
A Pig here.
A Goat.
Two people even sent me some elephants.
Elephants?
Yeah… like those belong on a farm.
Right.
Guess what they make?
Circus Peanuts.
They make circus peanuts.
Hmmm… I hate to break it to you… but those are awfully large “circus peanuts” that come out of a cute little elephant, if you know what I mean.
And… I wouldn’t recommend eating any of those so-called peanuts, okay?
Eeeeeeuuuw.
It’s just wrong.
Well… I had 82 (eighty-two) gifts sitting on my Home Page of Facebook.
Go figure.
82.
That’s quite a bit, right?
But… remember, I was NEVER going to play Farmville.
I have got no time.
Right.
My son nearly died when I told him that I had DELETED THEM ALL.
Yes, I deleted all 82 gifts.
I mean, what hell am I going to do with a pig that finds truffles, right?
I don’t even freaking like truffles.
Gag.
So, needless the say, “am-scray on the ig-pay.”
Until… my son showed me the Farmville light…
I never deleted any gifts again.
Yes, until my son “showed me the light” of Farmville.
I can here the angels sing like the old Star Trek theme song when I think of the word Farmville, now.
How even sadder is that?
Yeah… not good.
You better call the paramedics now.
But, you better make sure that they bring with them a pig that finds those stinking truffles that I can’t stomach (and now I found out that I don’t have to actually eat the truffles), a duck whose down feathers I can sell, or a horse with a “hair problem” or… I am not letting them through the front door.
Come bearing gifts, baby, or the deadbolt stays locked!
So… my dear son made me RE-announce to my FB friends that he was going to suck it up, and help his lame mother with the starting of her farm, and to please start sending gifts again.
Yeah… please forgive the old bag that she deleted all those fabulous gifts… she didn’t know the value of them then. Please forgive that she wasn’t a FV convert, and start sending us some goods so that we can get our farm thing started…
Please…
Little did I know that I was inviting my first “crack” addiction…
Yeah.
Stupid, I was… please send me stuff… and keep it coming… I need to fill my veins with the stuff.
It looked so innocent, right?
So “neighborly”…
And, in the gifts came.
I got so excited!
My son and I were actually able to communicate with the same glazed monitor-ial stare I used to only attibute to him when he played “Martian Rangers Kill Texas Hold-Em.”
I feel so proud.
So honored.
So in need of FA… (Farmville Anonymous).
“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…”
“Go ahead honey, you can say it… you’re in a safe and accepting place…”
“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…FARMVILLE!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying).
There is a rumble in the audience. People twisting in their chairs. FA is a tough crowd, man… they have all survived… FARMVILLE! WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying again — can you hear the addiction in that cry?).
Sad, huh?
Sad. Sad. Saaa-aaad.
“It’s okay, Belle. How many times did you go on ‘the game that shall not be named?'”
And, I mutter through my sobs… I turned on my computer… and I never… I never got off!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying still more).
My husband and my parents are sitting next to me for moral support… they are shaking their heads…
“We lost her. She’s our only daughter… And, she’s… well, you heard her… gone… to Farmville.”
My dad pulls out a hanky and blows his nose. My mom… suffers in silence. Slight whimpering, her only evidence that she hasn’t fainted… My husband twists his wedding band around his finger… questioning his 2-year old, “I do.”
The tragedy.
Belle…. Lost to Farmville…
….
TO BE CONTINUED…!
TO PROCEED TO THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY ******* CLICK HERE *******
Be well,
Belle
78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!
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Belle’s Awards
FADE IN Awards - Finalist
Las Vegas Film Festival – Official Finalist
Las Vegas Film Festival - Official Finalist
Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
2012 Winner Best Dramedy, 2010 First Runner Up Comedy
FINALIST -- Broad Humor Film Festival
Beverly Hills Film Festival - Official Selection Finalist
Writer's Digest Awarded Aurthor
MOFILM - 1st Place Los Angeles/USA, Finalist Barcelona
L.A. Comedy Festival - Finalist
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