(Save it, Baby! Count me in!)
So, it goes like this . . .
TO GET THINGS STARTED AGAIN, we’ll back track a little or you can get the whole prior parts of the story by ******* CLICKING HERE *******
So in need of FA… (Farmville Anonymous).
“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…”
“Go ahead honey, you can say it… you’re in a safe and accepting place…”
“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…FARMVILLE!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying).
There is a rumble in the audience. People twisting in their chairs. FA is a tough crowd, man… they have all survived… FARMVILLE! WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying again — can you hear the addiction in that cry?).
Sad. Sad. Saaa-aaad.
“It’s okay, Belle. How many times did you go on ‘the game that shall not be named?’”
And, I mutter through my sobs… I turned on my computer… and I never… I never got off!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying still more).
My husband and my parents are sitting next to me for moral support… they are shaking their heads…
“We lost her. She’s our only daughter… And, she’s… well, you heard her… gone… to Farmville.”
My dad pulls out a hanky and blows his nose. My mom… suffers in silence. Slight whimpering, her only evidence that she hasn’t fainted… My husband twists his wedding band around his finger… questioning his 2-year old, “I do.”
Belle…. Lost to Farmville…
So my life has now hit a new level…
I would like to say it hit a new low, but that may be aiming too high.
It wasn’t that long ago that I scoffed those that posted their Farmville Photos on Facebook.
Like, whoooo would ever want to do that? Right?
Maybe I was a little too judgmental.
Yes, my husband reminds me that a mere month ago, I giggled at the thought of people taking pictures of their cartoon farm.
So, in response to that, I am here to show you pictures of my farm keeping skills…
Here… You can appreciate the sense of order that I have here on the farm.
All my animals shoved to nicely into a row.
As you can see, I have the ultimate “brown-nosing” farming techniques DOWN.
Yes… things are a’blooming!
Life is grand now that I have invested in fencing, yes?
It is that I have two types of fencing here. I have regular white fencing, and I have my new “scary” fencing that is termed as dreadful, that I dropped $48,000 of precious Farmville coins on.
Somehow no one appreciates the beauty of my “goth” gatekeeping skills. My only concern is that I might not have bought enough of these overpriced limited edition funky fake cartoon fencing pieces at $1000 a clip.
Me, being an 18-year veteran of real estate commercial development (no lie), it is imperative that I get this set up just right.
Frankly… I have big plans, but in the beginning, if you would have checked my farm you might have noticed that even my cows have a house.
Five of them.
Yes, my cows had a house, but I was sleeping in the tool shed.
And, not even the big tool shed.
The little one.
That I got for free… from Farmville… because I was so damn fricking cheap to buy it myself.
I DID have plans, and I was working real hard… saving up my Farmville dough… hoarding my money so that I could make a cool million and invest the beautiful Villa mansion on level 34.
What can I say, baby? Real estate is in my blood.
Please, pity me at this moment.
I am now developing cartoon real estate.
So, like I said, I’m working hard on saving up my “experience” credits for the big digs.
Yep, holding out for the Villa.
Million-dollar price tag…
Until I noticed that level 34, the people at that level had about 80,000+ Experience credits compared to my 27,000 Experience credits at level 25.
Well, I don’t need to be a brainiac (or maybe I do) to understand that to get to level 25, took an average of 1000 credits a level.
And, THAT was a pain in the ass.
Now, facing a difference of 53,000 experience credits to be made up in 9 levels — well, that makes my new average of needing to accomplish approximately 6000 experience credits PER LEVEL from now on.
Uh… Holy crap.
Can you tell that I was a Math Minor in college?
Well, let just say that I easily can breakdown costs to benefits… and basically I would have about a billion “Farmville” coins before I would even be allowed to buy the freaking villa.
Yeah… like that’s gonna happen.
I’ve got a life, man!
I can’t sit here nursing a cartoon farm up the wa-wa!
I ‘ve got things to do…
People to see…
Places to go…
And, crops to turn. Hold on… My blueberries are withering….
…. … .. .
Okay, I’m back.
The blueberries are fine. I am sure that you were concerned, so don’t be.
Well, like I was saying…
I can’t wait for dang villa and level 34!
I can’t sleep in the tool shed… the little tool shed until the end of time.
It’s time to spend some freaking Farmville cash!
So, yeah… I bought the Dreadful fencing pieces… And, the whitewash gates… and a house…
And, a barn… and a silo… whatever that is.
Bridal arches. Maybe for my daughter’s wedding there… 😉
I’ve got a bird house, and a lawnmower, three lakes, a harvesting machine, a tractor, and a seeder.
I have spent a whole bunch on money on arches and entries and mail boxes… and…
Look here… a little greeting…
Maybe a Hello… How thoughtful!
Uh… Oh My…
Oh Goodness… “HELP ME NOW!”
“Or the Cow is… ?”
This is worse than even I thought.
Worse than you even thought, I am sure…
Or the cow is…
Or the cow is… toast?
Or the cow is… finished?
Or the cow is…
This is serious.
Now you all saw it, right?
That poor cow…
But, wait… another…
Farmville back to normal… Where did the message go?
It’s as if it were never there… the plea… the hope… the warning…
TO BE CONTINUED…!
78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winner
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in!