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Sephora! A Giant Equivalent of Female Orgasm!…
So, it goes like this . . .
Well, really, I don’t know what I can say that goes much beyond that title, do you?
However, being the wordsmith-y (is that actually a word?) girl that I am… I am going to try… (Wink, wink.)
So…Sephora… my beloved, Sephora…
How do I love thee, let me count the ways…
I love the to the depth, girth and breadth my ass can reach.
I love thee… that you are in almost every blooming mall that I have ever shopped… and if that is not enough… you are helping me to spend more of my money by opening more stores in lucky select JC Penney’s across the United States.
Bless you, because I thought you weren’t really giving me enough opportunity to spend my money already.
Now, I have yet another reason to walk into a JC Penny’s for more than just the $12.99 sitting fee in your Photo Booth center.
I used to take my kids there for their baby pictures… but now I just go there to harangue high school part-time photographers by sitting in making ju-jee faces in the camera.
They love it.
Ah, yes… my beloved, Sephora…
I love thee to the extreme that my credit card can reach…
I love thee for your precious vials of wrinkle erasers…
You are so kind to give me samples in little plastic cups to take home… sure to lock me into the use of yet another $130 an ounce wrinkle cream for the rest of my life.
Bless you… again…
I have no more counter space in my bathroom due to your generosity.
Thank you to you, beloved, Sephora… for the fact that every time I walk into the house from one of your stores I smell like a perfumery…
“Honey, do like this Gucci fragrance?” And, I stick out my arm.
My husband puts his nose above my arm, “No, not there, honey. That’s Chanel. You have to move your nose up 3 inches toward my elbow.” My husband still hovers his nose above my arm… “No, honey, not there, that’s a Britney Spears fragrance that I despise… Uh… How about this one on the back of my wrist — that’s the new Thierry Mugler… what do you think?”
Poor guy… he doesn’t realize that I have sprayed 24 different fragrances on the fronts and backs of each arm, behind each ear, and between each toe…
“So, which one do you like, honey?… Honey? Honey?… What, baby?… You don’t look so good…”
He has now turned a little pale, and evidently has sprouted a migraine from all the combined scents that will now reside for the next 24 hours on my little piece of “sumpin sumpin” that he was hoping “to get some” from later.
“Honey, I am only trying to make myself more attractive to you, baby.”
My beloved Sephora…
A rainbow of makeup choices for every type of skin, for every type of look, for every holiday… including Halloween.
Grandiose eyelashes, eyeshadows that you never think that you would actually wear…
“Just sit right down and let me give you a little demo…”
And, of course, after said demo, you are walking out of there looking like something out of a Cosmo magazine.
You are looking absolutely divine!
However, after you’ve spent $700 to get all of that absolutely divine looking stuff that will give you that absolutely divine looking “look,” you take it home and try to re-create that divine looking “look” and walk out of your bathroom looking something more like Frankenstein’s cousin… Frau Hosselheimerbrau… albeit, with great eyelashes.
My dear, dear Sephora…
You even let me take home little spritzers the perfume for my husband to try.
I love those little testers that you guys make up for him.
All different kinds of men’s fragrances. You are just too generous.
Of course, he has never tried any of these because I have never given them to him… those little darn fragrance sprayers are just too cute.
I have to hoard them for myself, even though they’re full of men’s fragrances. I think I have about 23 of them…
Those little baby perfume sprayers…
Eeeek! I’m in love with them!
What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? … 😉
Honestly though, I could go on all day about the attributes of Sephora…
My knees get weak when I walk by their black-and-white striped storefront.
I get a little “oodle” in my “hoo-haw” just thinking about it.
Yup, this is a Sephora “O!”
I just need about 30 seconds to myself…
Yes, it’s a fact…
I am happily a Sephora “Ho,” and I have the credit card statements to prove it.
Plus, I have 2473 Points in my “Beauty Insider” account…
Let’s go shopping!
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
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