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Vegas, Baby, Vegas!… (w/ pic)
So, it goes like this . . .
My chicks and I go way three times a year.
Palm Springs spa weekend.
Mammoth Lakes ski weekend.
And, Vegas, Baby, Vegas weekend.
Yeah, we’ve been trippin’ for a long time now.
For the last 10 years. Yeah, Ba-bay!
WE HAVE GOT IT DOWN.
Our so-called weekend getaways have now stretched into five night minimum stays.
We know where we are going to eat… who serves the strongest mai tais… where the “I Dream of Jeanie” (Oooooh Master!) slot machines are… and where we can laugh the loudest not get thrown out of the place.
You might say, that after all these years, we could be professional partiers.
You might be right.
But, alas… we are just moms that have maneuvered a tri-annual ESCAPE for the last decade.
Admit it now, you’re jealous.
It’s okay, we understand jealousy.
These are required outings for we, the core four.
Since my girlfriends would have a coronary if I actually named them, I’ll just give you our names that we developed one year when we watched “Malibu’s Most Wanted.” Since we are all Mom’s and can’t seem to get out of the freaking kitchen . . . you may sense a theme here.
I am “White Top” AKA Wonder Bread, Sunbeam, Goya Loaf. They seem to think that I have lead a conservative life . . . I let them think what they want as I spread my three fingers and bang it on my chest like I am a “bro in the hood.”
Bang, bang, bang (three fingers) “White Bread, yo?”
Yeah, that, popping a couple of my “Move Free” glucosamine/chondroitin pills and my hair spray makes it all very convincing…
Then there is “Cinnabon.” As you can imagine she’s a beautifully tanned mother of two, and makes her hand into “C” shape and whacks it on her chest. “Cinnabon, Buya!”
Then of course, we can’t forget “Bagel.” She hysterically tries to form a “B” shape with her fingers to bang on her chest. And, then groans, “Bagel. You guys, I got a crummy name.”
“Oy! Such is life Heidi Goldbaum,” not really her name, “You be Bagel, and don’t give us any shen-agle!”
And, then lastly . . . There is “Buttertop.” She doesn’t have to make any hand signals at all, because frankly there’s no room left on her chest. She has the most beautiful store-bought breasts any woman (or man) could hope for. So yes, she is “Buttertop.” And she doesn’t have to do a thing to just stand there with that perfectly shaped shelf of breasts.
You could put a plate of sandwiches on those breasts…
So, it’s basically us four — White Bread, Cinnabon, Bagel and Buttertop, and we try our best to terrorize Vegas within an inch of it’s questionable life.
We da Mommas.
We da Ho’s.
Well, I guess you can see what we “think” we are accomplishing here…
But really, life is too short to be Mommies all the time.
Sometimes . . . we have to be just girls.
Girls gone wild!
Girls gone wild…
And, thyroid conditions, and children’s college tuitions to pay.
And . . . And . . . Well, 40-ish Girls gone half-mad might be a better description.
But, ALL, and I mean ALL of Vegas knows that we have a good time! It take the city a whole year to recover from us.
Yeah, we DO know how to play…
Our husbands wish so desperately to be flies on the wall…
“No, no, no, Joe.”
“Just fo the Ho’s. You get to stay home and play Mommy, mo-fo!”
But, remember . . . most people say, “What Happened in Vegas, Stays in Vegas!”
However, OUR mantra is . . . “What Happened in Vegas . . . Never Happened!”
So, you want to go to Vegas, baby?
Yeah, I could show you the town!
S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
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