Archive | September 2009

What Do Howard Stern and My Husband Have In Common?

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

My husband runs the product in this plant, and look at what happened:

http://bit.ly/1JROd6

So, now you and all the socialites will have fresh smelling arm pits, due to my husband’s production lines, thank you very much Howard Stern! 

Nature’s Gate is running to keep up with the demand!

I choose to go Aluminum-Free!!!  (And, I think my husband is probably better in the sack! IMNSHO 😉 — In My Not So Humble Opinion….!)

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
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Crazy Love . . .

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

Sorry about the last song.

It Blipped out!

I saw Van Morrison play at the Hollywood Bowl some months ago.

Okay, here’s another fantastic song. ♫ http://blip.fm/~e3ahx

Enjoy lovies!

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
& the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
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S. Belle Karper -- Author & Speaker

I am still struggling . . .

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

I am still struggling with which end of the cow the meat comes from.

Eeeeuuw.

I think I may never get over this…   ;-0

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
& the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
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S. Belle Karper -- Author & Speaker

Dead Squirrel Mystery…

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

Hello everybody!

Today is a beautiful day today.

The people across the street have moved out.

Hmmm.

I don’t think that too many people are gonna miss them because a squirrel that had been run over by a car and had previously been sitting in the middle the road, wound up dead center in their driveway, and has been sitting there for a few days.

Now unless dead squirrels reanimate and are able to levitate themselves to new locations, something tells me that someone put it there is a departing gift. So nice.

Like, so sad to see you go. Right?

And no, it wasn’t me.

Thank you very much.

Although the thought of someone else’s whirling that little squirrel carcass in the air to land in the slope of their driveway did cause me to give a little smile.

I was actually disappointed in myself that I hadn’t thought of it.

Next time.

Maybe.

And no, my kids did not do it either. Although they did get a wee bit of enjoyment from the view of the dead squirrel in their driveway.

Let it also be known that no one threw it away for them for all those days. Community has a way of taken care of itself, doesn’t it.

We’ll just say that they didn’t go out of their way to make a lot of friends here.

Such is life.

And, such as death. Because alas, there sits a dead squirrel and it has pasted itself on their driveway for the last three days.

Karma is a bitch.

So, that’s it from the neighborhood front! 

I think it is high time that people clear dead animals from their property lines. But hey, I’m not the fricking neighborhood roadside kill monitor. Right? And, I am certainly NOT the driveway droppings monitor.

Honestly though, I hope they are as happy in their new home. Everybody just wants to be happy.

You know, it only takes one bad apple, right?

Words from my Grandma.

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
& the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
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S. Belle Karper -- Author & Speaker

Vegas, Baby, Vegas!… (w/ pic)

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

My chicks and I go way three times a year.

Palm Springs spa weekend.

Mammoth Lakes ski weekend.

And, Vegas, Baby, Vegas weekend.

Yeah, we’ve been trippin’ for a long time now.

For the last 10 years. Yeah, Ba-bay!

WE HAVE GOT IT DOWN.

Our so-called weekend getaways have now stretched into five night minimum stays.

We know where we are going to eat… who serves the strongest mai tais… where the “I Dream of Jeanie” (Oooooh Master!) slot machines are… and where we can laugh the loudest not get thrown out of the place.

You might say, that after all these years, we could be professional partiers.

You might be right.

But, alas… we are just moms that have maneuvered a tri-annual ESCAPE for the last decade.

Admit it now, you’re jealous.

It’s okay, we understand jealousy.

These are required outings for we, the core four.

Since my girlfriends would have a coronary if I actually named them, I’ll just give you our names that we developed one year when we watched “Malibu’s Most Wanted.”  Since we are all Mom’s and can’t seem to get out of the freaking kitchen . . . you may sense a theme here.

I am “White Top” AKA Wonder Bread, Sunbeam, Goya Loaf. They seem to think that I have lead a conservative life . . . I let them think what they want as I spread my three fingers and bang it on my chest like I am a “bro in the hood.”

Bang, bang, bang (three fingers) “White Bread, yo?”

Yeah, that, popping a couple of my “Move Free” glucosamine/chondroitin pills and my hair spray makes it all very convincing…

Then there is “Cinnabon.” As you can imagine she’s a beautifully tanned mother of two, and makes her hand into “C” shape and whacks it on her chest. “Cinnabon, Buya!” 

Then of course, we can’t forget “Bagel.” She hysterically tries to form a “B” shape with her fingers to bang on her chest.  And, then groans, “Bagel. You guys, I got a crummy name.”

“Oy! Such is life Heidi Goldbaum,” not really her name, “You be Bagel, and don’t give us any shen-agle!”

And, then lastly . . . There is “Buttertop.”  She doesn’t have to make any hand signals at all, because frankly there’s no room left on her chest. She has the most beautiful store-bought breasts any woman (or man) could hope for.  So yes, she is “Buttertop.” And she doesn’t have to do a thing to just stand there with that perfectly shaped shelf of breasts.

You could put a plate of sandwiches on those breasts…

So, it’s basically us four — White Bread, Cinnabon, Bagel and Buttertop, and we try our best to terrorize Vegas within an inch of it’s questionable life.

Yo.

Yo Momma.

Me Momma?

You Momma.

We da Mommas.

We da Ho’s.

Well, I guess you can see what we “think” we are accomplishing here…

But really, life is too short to be Mommies all the time.

Sometimes . . . we have to be just girls.

Girls gone wild!

Girls gone wild…

With cellulite…

And baby-tummy.

And, thyroid conditions, and children’s college tuitions to pay.

And . . . And . . . Well, 40-ish Girls gone half-mad might be a better description.

But, ALL, and I mean ALL of Vegas knows that we have a good time!  It take the city a whole year to recover from us.

Yeah, we DO know how to play…

Our husbands wish so desperately to be flies on the wall…

“No, no, no, Joe.”

“Just fo the Ho’s. You get to stay home and play Mommy, mo-fo!”

But, remember . . . most people say, “What Happened in Vegas, Stays in Vegas!”

However, OUR mantra is . . . “What Happened in Vegas . . . Never Happened!”

So, you want to go to Vegas, baby?

Yeah, I could show you the town!

  

Some of the Crew

Some of the Crew

The Core Four - White Bread, Bagel, Buttertop & Cinnabon

The Core Four - White Bread, Bagel, Buttertop & Cinnabon

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
& the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
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S. Belle Karper -- Author & Speaker

Good Morning…(Song of the Day!)

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

I just have to tell you that this is one of the best “Sunday” songs.  It’s slightly overcast in Los Angeles. 

I’m a little reminiscent, and life it good . . .

Sweet and soulful . . .

Enjoy! 

http://blip.fm/~dnjwo

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
& the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites
S. Belle Karper -- Author & Speaker

You might want to sign up…

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So, it goes like this . . .

Thank you for the friend connection! Back at you!

I thought you might want to sign up for my blog that was just set up on Facebook Network Blogs — it’s mostly humor and tragedy, an unlikely pair… but, heh? 😉 Belle

I’m a Winner in the 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition – Memoirs/Personal Essay!

I have tens of thousands of followers on twitter ( @BelleKarper  — Let me know your twitter!) so my editor also suggested that I set up a Belle Karper Fan Page on Facebook.

Thanks for the thought and your support, Sunshine… 

xoxo

Be well,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper  A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award WinnerBookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK – An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle – all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites
BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper