Tag Archive | Dating

Yes… It’s prom season!

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So, it goes like this . . .

My daughter comes back from her second prom last night, two o’clock in the morning.

It’s tough when you look freaking amazing.

 

And, she had a fabulous time.

It reminds me of when I was back in high school, although I did not go to my senior prom. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, and figured that he was not worth spending an entire night with, much less a bunch of money on, just to go to prom.

No biggie.

Hmmmm.

Prom.

So did I miss anything? Isn’t it just an over glorified dance?

I don’t think I missed anything by not dancing the hoochy-koo with my ex-boyfriend in a gym filled with bad teenage decorations.

I remember watching in an Oprah show on mothers that would do anything to make sure that their daughters are able to go to prom. Because these mothers, had missed their proms and felt like their lives were lacking as a result… of missing prom.

Chill everybody… it’s just freaking prom.

It’s just a dance.

Granted, it’s a nice memory. Nothing to get your whole life worked up over.

These moms were putting ads in local newspapers, spreading the word, even paying some of these boys to take their daughters to prom. Just because they, themselves, felt like they had missed out on something that was life-changing.

Isn’t that sad?

These women… and at least their 40s, were still hanging on to the fact that they hadn’t gone to prom… and they were going to make damn sure that their daughters didn’t have that same baggage.

Frankly, I don’t think their daughters would’ve had that baggage unless that baggage was suggested to them by their own mothers.

It’s just prom. Right? Am I missing something here?

I don’t think so.

Now, I knew that all my friends were at the party having a good time.

And, I was a little blue that wasn’t there. It’s true.

And then… I got over it.

I got to spend time with my irritating brother, and my silly dad, and my good-cooking mom.

Not too bad… really. They’re great people.

So, I’m glad to say that my daughter went to her second prom. And she had a great time at each prom, but had she not had a date she would’ve gone alone… and still had a great time.

This is the beauty of the modern teenager… That in this day and age you can go to prom by yourself. You don’t have to bring in three-eyed cousin from Nebraska just to be your date.

When I was going to prom… you did not go alone. Period. End of Story. That’s it folks. No Hans Solo.

And, all those women that were on the Oprah show, I believe that they were not “socially allowed” to go alone either. That there was some stigma attached to just hang with your friends at a big dance.

Luckily, with the progression of civilization we have accepted the fact that people can have fun alone… without a date… just hanging with your friends.

Thank god we have made major strides.

Right.

Oprah moms. Get over it.

Move on, Moth-ah!

Graduate from high school.

I am here to tell you there is life after prom.

I promise.

;-)

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author  Bookmark and Share 

 Finalist in Broad Humor Film Festival Screenwriting Contest — Announcing “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay!   Belle Karper, Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com
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Just a Little Fun in the Sun… (Pics & Video)

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So, it goes like this . . .

Unfortunately, I am having problems with my keyboard… so this will be a quicky! And, we all know how you love quickies!

It’s hard to learn everything all at once! Digging this YouTube!

xoxo,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author  Bookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com
WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!

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“V” “V” for “Vasectomy!”

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So, it goes like this . . .

So… as you all know, my husband had hernia surgery last Friday.

Let’s just say, that he is so lucky to have someone to love him, and to wait on him, and to cook for him 24 hours a day… it’s really too bad she lives 3000 miles away…

Nah! Just joking… (Love you, Mama Karper!)

When he and I got married, one of my wedding gifts from him was for him to get a vasectomy.

“V” “V” for “Victory!”

“V” “V” for “Vasectomy!”

The crowd responds and roars with ample applause, “Yeeeeaaaahhhh!”

Yes, that was a happy (and relieving) time in our lives, and I think back to that night… that night of his vasectomy surgery when he came limping home.

I stood ready with a frozen bag of peas to place on his “nads.”

He laid down carefully in our four-poster bed (thick posts, I might add.) Uniquely (not to be confused with “Eunuch-ly” which would mean that his manhood would’ve been cut off altogether… or all apart… as the case may be) appropriate for this surgery, as they stand wide and tall, phallic-ly representing ample length and girth.

;-)

So, he lies in our bed and he retells the story of his surgery while his legs are spread with a package of peas on his delicate “package.”

Evidently the vasectomy procedure is done in stirrups… just like when all us chicks have to do when we go in for our beloved Pap smear. Yeah.

Well boys, we’ve had to be in this position for years, I might add.

And, I said an inward “Hallelujah!”

A man finally had to assume “the position.”

“Did the doctor ask you to scoot down?” I ask with an inward smirk…

His reply was, “Yes.”

My heart warms at the thought of my man, any man, having his bare fuzzy ass leering over the edge of that damn stirrup table.

Another inward “Hallelujah!” once again.

Of course I didn’t demonstrate to him my glee that his “taint” was exposed for all to see. I kept that to myself, as I smiled. But make no mistake, I did smile.

“Honey how do you feel, my love? Are the peas doing the trick? Maybe another package by now? Frozen carrots, perhaps?”

“No.” He says, “No carrots, thanks.”

Another use for the term, “Pass the peas, please” that is not dinner time usage. Hoorah for the expansion of our dear english language.

Peas… the new superfood.

Well, there he lies, pained and silence with spring fresh vegetables cooling his groin, and I said, “Let me make you dinner… you’ve had an awfully hard day.”

“Honey, you are just too good to me,” he said.

“I know. I am looking to repair that flaw of mine sometime soon.”    ;-)

So, I go downstairs and prepare a meal fit for a vasectomized King.

While, upstairs he waits watching “2 1/2 Men”… and trying desperately not to laugh.

I prepared a bed tray for him.

I unfolded the legs.

I placed a napkin and flatware to the right.

A Diet Mountain Dew. The nectar of the caffeinated gods, I placed on the tray, and a glass of ice (with a straw) while my man’s dinner was cooking.

I could hear his pained “guffaws” as he resisted the surgery, the peas, and the “2 1/2 Men.”

But, I must prepare his food, mustn’t I?

If not me, then who would feed his vasectomized balls?

So on a plate I placed his meal, with a candle on the side.

Mood lighting, you know.

I carried the tray slowly… regally… I mean, he did do all this just for me.

He had his sack cut.

How much more love could he show me?

So yes, I carried this tray with pride and pomp because the circumstances lied there neutered on that bed.

And, I set down his tray of culinary delights… a hot dog and two apricots cut by a knife.

Vasectomy Dinner

Vasectomy Dinner

Be well,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award WinnerBookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
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What I Missed… and What I Didn’t…

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

My darling husband went on this moutain biking trip.

I couldn’t go because I had to stay home and do the “Mommy Thing” and send my kids off to the Homecoming Dance in style (my son’s first!).

So this is what I missed in Bryce Canyon…

Utah...

Utah...

Riding the "fin" in Bryce -- I have had nightmares about rides just like this!

Riding the "fin" in Bryce -- I have had nightmares about rides just like this!

 

Beautiful Bryce Canyon

Beautiful Bryce Canyon

 

This is the trail... Riding between rocks instead of trees...

This is the trail... Riding between rocks instead of trees...

I call this "The Balls" of Bryce Canyon!

I call this "The Balls" of Bryce Canyon!

 

AND this is what I didn’t miss… My kid’s Homecoming Dance…

 

 

 

And, here he is...

And, here he is...

My Handsome Guy

My Handsome Guy

My Precious Duo

My Precious Duo

My daughter and her date... Yowza

My daughter and her date... Yowza

Some of the Gang...

Some of the Gang...

My Girl and her Crew!

My Girl and her Crew!

I figure Bryce will still be there after this dance… but, this night…
Well, you get the picture.

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
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HELLO?

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So, it goes like this . . .

Hello . . .

Uh, Checking . . .

One, two, three . . .

Is this frigging thing ON? (Bang, bang, bang)

Where’s the God-dang button here, kids?

Crap.

What in tarnations?

(Don’t even ask me to explain THAT word. You’re just going to have to accept that it’s just a Southern explicative. Don’t know what else to tell you. You could add it to your word building exercises for the day if you are planning a trip to Alabama, or thereabouts. Otherwise . . . hmmm . . . no.)

I hate technology sometimes.

Okay . . . Everybody, I am just going to have to YELL.

HELLO?

Hey, Y'all!

Hey, Y'all!

—-
Y’all come back now, Y’hear?

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
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S. Belle Karper -- Author & Speaker

Things have gotten worse . . .

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

Things have gotten worse.

The other day, I woke up sounding like Demi Moore. 

Scratchy. Sexy . . . with a bit of a Southern Accent.

That was nice.

Made me sound naughty. Though, I have no intention of moving in on Ashton. They are adorable together.

Another score for the Cougars!

Go! Cougars! Go!

Aaaaaah . . .

Yes . . . the memories of Cougar catching the fine young chicken meat . . .

Hmmm . . . I get all warm just thinking about it.

But, I digress.

However . . .

Yesterday, I woke up sounding like Demi Moore’s mother.

Don’t quote me, but I don’t think they “get along.”  Something about alcohol and . . . well, that might put a damper on the old relationship thing.

Yeah, not good.

And, today . . .

Well, today I have woken up sounding like Demi Moore’s Uncle Crank. A distant chain-smoking, pain-in-the-ass pseudo-relative that is bent on trying to break up her and Ashton’s May-September romance.

He’s probably an ass.

So, it’s no compliment, to me . . . Moi . . . I . . . Belle, that I sound like her mother . . .  or worse yet, scary old pseudo-Uncle Crank.

Sounding like Demi Moore with a southern accent was fun . . . for a day or so, until it disintegrated into “weird Uncle Crank.”

No. This is entirely NOT GOOD.

I guess I am going into the doctor on Monday.

Bummer.

I wonder if I am going to need a shot?

I’ve probably done something to deserve it.

Something.

Double Bummer.

Be well, and I am frigging determined to get better!

I don’t want to sound like ANY of the Demi Moore Klan anymore.

I want to be me, I tell you.  I want to be me!

;-)

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
& the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
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S. Belle Karper -- Author & Speaker

Widow Rings

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So, it goes like this . . .

 

When I became a widow five years ago, I too, was very confused.  After a long while, I decided to wear my ring around my neck on a thin black ribbon.  The ribbon was from a present that my kids gave me from a packaged candle “to help me light the way.” 

Poetic.

Then after another long while, I took the ring off entirely.  When that time came, it sort of released me.  And at that time it felt good. Someday it will feel good for you, too.

Breathe out.  Breathe In. Take one step. Then, another.

Be well,

Belle

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S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
Belle Karper Face Book
& the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
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