Tag Archive | Coach

Red Hot Love or Radar Love? Which is it?

Have you ever wondered what the lyrics of songs actually were?

Did you ever sing the wrong lyrics?

At the top of your lungs?!

This is a Fab Short Story about the most famous mis-sung song in history!

Red Hot Love!

I mean…

Radar Love…

I mean…

Oh crap, which is it?

Dang that Golden Earring!

I don’t care… just read it!

And, if you have an extra moment…

Write a good review, because I know you’re going to love it!

Red Hot Love Or... Radar Love? Which is it?

Red Hot Love Or... Radar Love? Which is it?

oxo

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

—–

Now… go feed my fish!

They are freaking hungry, man!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Red Hot Love    Or... Radar Love? Which is it?

Red Hot Love Or... Radar Love? Which is it?

Digital Edition only $0.99

Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

Available at Amazon!

E.B. White and Me
E.B. White and Me
BUY IT TODAY!

xoxo

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

Beverly Hills Film Festival - Official Selection FinalistBeverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist

Writer's Digest Awarded AurthorAwarded Author

Fade In Awards

Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!

FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain!

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author

Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival

Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)

Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy

Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp

Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011

Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011

Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011

— Announcing  “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay!   Belle Karper,

— Announcing  “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.

Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com                         Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!

All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper

Partied Last Night, Y’all…!

Partied with some old

(well, not so old,

just long-standing,

well some of them are old,

some of them are old-er,

and actually some of them are short,

but nothing is wrong with short,

and some of them are tall,

but I love them all).

Yes... and then there were more!

Yes... and then there were more!

To make a long story short (too late)

We had a good time.

SWEET!

;-)

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

—–

Now… go feed my fish!

They are freaking hungry, man!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Red Hot Love    Or... Radar Love? Which is it?

Red Hot Love Or… Radar Love? Which is it?

Digital Edition only $0.99

Multi Award-Winning Author Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

—–

Digital Edition only $0.99

Writer’s Digest Awarded “E.B. White and Me.” Get your copy today!

Available for ALL DIGITAL READERS!

Available at Amazon!

E.B. White and Me
E.B. White and Me
BUY IT TODAY!

xoxo

Belle

www.BelleKarper.com

Beverly Hills Film Festival - Official Selection FinalistBeverly Hills Film Festival – Official Selection Finalist

Writer's Digest Awarded AurthorAwarded Author

Fade In Awards

Fade In Awards Quarter-Finalist – still in the running!

FIRST PLACE WINNER – MOFILM Los Angeles, Next SXSW competition in Austin, then Barcelona, Spain!

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author

Finalist 2011 Top 25 Semi-Finalist Los Angeles Comedy Festival

Finalist 2011 10th FilmMakers International Screenwriting Awards (1st Round Qualifier — Still in Running)

Finalist 2011 New York City Gotham Film Festival – Final 5th Place Comedy

Finalist and 1st Runner Up Screenwriting Comp

Top 24 Finalist Los Angeles Reel Film Festival 2011

Contest Top 20 Finalist Atlanta PeachTree Film Festival 2011

Top 24 Finalist SkyFest Film Festival 2011

— Announcing  “PICKLED TINK” — Screwball Comedy Screenplay!   Belle Karper,

— Announcing  “MAKING UP WITH MORTELLA” — Dark Comedy about Good and Evil, the magic of MakeUp and the Beauty of the Heart.

Award-Winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com                         Email Belle@BelleKarper.com WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor Check out Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog! and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - The Ridiculous Escapades of Belle Karper on YouTube!

All on Website Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper

Flew Back From Cancun, and Boy, Are My Arms Tired (Video)

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So, it goes like this . . .

Well, as you may or may not know I just got back from Cancun. We had a rowdy time just me and my chick girlfriends.

Here’s a clip our kayaking adventures — we are a bunch of knuckleheads!

And, NO! That is not me leaning back in that Kayak… Please!

However…

We are just a bunch of idiots!

Look at me... I always have my mouth open! Watch the VIDEO!

Look at me... I always have my mouth open! Watch the VIDEO!

YouTube, baby! Here we go!

xoxo,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award Winning Author  Bookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker, Humor, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy www.BelleKarper.com
WHY THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites
BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper

“V” “V” for “Vasectomy!”

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So, it goes like this . . .

So… as you all know, my husband had hernia surgery last Friday.

Let’s just say, that he is so lucky to have someone to love him, and to wait on him, and to cook for him 24 hours a day… it’s really too bad she lives 3000 miles away…

Nah! Just joking… (Love you, Mama Karper!)

When he and I got married, one of my wedding gifts from him was for him to get a vasectomy.

“V” “V” for “Victory!”

“V” “V” for “Vasectomy!”

The crowd responds and roars with ample applause, “Yeeeeaaaahhhh!”

Yes, that was a happy (and relieving) time in our lives, and I think back to that night… that night of his vasectomy surgery when he came limping home.

I stood ready with a frozen bag of peas to place on his “nads.”

He laid down carefully in our four-poster bed (thick posts, I might add.) Uniquely (not to be confused with “Eunuch-ly” which would mean that his manhood would’ve been cut off altogether… or all apart… as the case may be) appropriate for this surgery, as they stand wide and tall, phallic-ly representing ample length and girth.

;-)

So, he lies in our bed and he retells the story of his surgery while his legs are spread with a package of peas on his delicate “package.”

Evidently the vasectomy procedure is done in stirrups… just like when all us chicks have to do when we go in for our beloved Pap smear. Yeah.

Well boys, we’ve had to be in this position for years, I might add.

And, I said an inward “Hallelujah!”

A man finally had to assume “the position.”

“Did the doctor ask you to scoot down?” I ask with an inward smirk…

His reply was, “Yes.”

My heart warms at the thought of my man, any man, having his bare fuzzy ass leering over the edge of that damn stirrup table.

Another inward “Hallelujah!” once again.

Of course I didn’t demonstrate to him my glee that his “taint” was exposed for all to see. I kept that to myself, as I smiled. But make no mistake, I did smile.

“Honey how do you feel, my love? Are the peas doing the trick? Maybe another package by now? Frozen carrots, perhaps?”

“No.” He says, “No carrots, thanks.”

Another use for the term, “Pass the peas, please” that is not dinner time usage. Hoorah for the expansion of our dear english language.

Peas… the new superfood.

Well, there he lies, pained and silence with spring fresh vegetables cooling his groin, and I said, “Let me make you dinner… you’ve had an awfully hard day.”

“Honey, you are just too good to me,” he said.

“I know. I am looking to repair that flaw of mine sometime soon.”    ;-)

So, I go downstairs and prepare a meal fit for a vasectomized King.

While, upstairs he waits watching “2 1/2 Men”… and trying desperately not to laugh.

I prepared a bed tray for him.

I unfolded the legs.

I placed a napkin and flatware to the right.

A Diet Mountain Dew. The nectar of the caffeinated gods, I placed on the tray, and a glass of ice (with a straw) while my man’s dinner was cooking.

I could hear his pained “guffaws” as he resisted the surgery, the peas, and the “2 1/2 Men.”

But, I must prepare his food, mustn’t I?

If not me, then who would feed his vasectomized balls?

So on a plate I placed his meal, with a candle on the side.

Mood lighting, you know.

I carried the tray slowly… regally… I mean, he did do all this just for me.

He had his sack cut.

How much more love could he show me?

So yes, I carried this tray with pride and pomp because the circumstances lied there neutered on that bed.

And, I set down his tray of culinary delights… a hot dog and two apricots cut by a knife.

Vasectomy Dinner

Vasectomy Dinner

Be well,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award WinnerBookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites
BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper

OMG…What was I thinking?

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So, it goes like this . . .

Well, I just don’t know how this happened…

I don’t know what I was thinking really…

It seems tonight that I have about 80 people coming over for a parent meeting for my son’s wrestling team.

AND, I have my Annual Holiday Ornament Party Saturday as well… but which I do not know how many people are coming… quite a few.

How could I have possibly booked two large events at my home in the same week?

Am I a glutton for punishment?

Do I like stress and tranquilizers?

How many times do I really want artichoke dip?

These are the questions that I ask myself.

Well, as always, when the coach was looking for somebody to step up to the plate to offer their home for a parent meeting… nobody raised their hands.

So, it’s sort of like I was standing still and the team stepped backwards.

I get to do this by default.

Although, I have to admit that the house looks stunning in preparation for the annual ornament party.

How I can call my annual ornament party and “annual party” is beyond me, since last year I didn’t even put up one single tree… and as I go through the house, I count a mere 18 (not a typo) decorated trees in our home from 10-feet tall on down.

Not to mention all of the doo-dah on the banister and the along stairwell…

or the decorations in the den…

or the decorations in each bathroom…

or… or… or…

That’s a lot of tinsel, baby…

Well, I don’t know what I was thinking but now my brownies are burning and I have to get back to them.

Holy crap… I’ve got a lot of partying to do!

I’ll check in with you after tonight’s devastation… I mean meeting.  ;-)

xoxo

Be well,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper  A 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award WinnerBookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites
BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper

Farmville — A Picture is 1000 Words… or a Couple… (Part 3)

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So, it goes like this . . .

TO GET THINGS STARTED AGAIN, we’ll back track a little or you can get the whole prior parts of the story by ******* CLICKING HERE *******

So in need of FA… (Farmville Anonymous).

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…”

“Go ahead honey, you can say it… you’re in a safe and accepting place…”

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…FARMVILLE!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying).

There is a rumble in the audience. People twisting in their chairs. FA is a tough crowd, man… they have all survived… FARMVILLE! WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying again — can you hear the addiction in that cry?).

Sad, huh?

Sad. Sad. Saaa-aaad.

“It’s okay, Belle. How many times did you go on ‘the game that shall not be named?’”

And, I mutter through my sobs… I turned on my computer… and I never… I never got off!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying still more).

My husband and my parents are sitting next to me for moral support… they are shaking their heads…

“We lost her. She’s our only daughter… And, she’s… well, you heard her… gone… to Farmville.”

My dad pulls out a hanky and blows his nose. My mom… suffers in silence. Slight whimpering, her only evidence that she hasn’t fainted… My husband twists his wedding band around his finger… questioning his 2-year old, “I do.”

The tragedy.

Belle…. Lost to Farmville…

So my life has now hit a new level…

I would like to say it hit a new low, but that may be aiming too high.

It wasn’t that long ago that I scoffed those that posted their Farmville Photos on Facebook.

Ha!

Ridiculous!

Like, whoooo would ever want to do that? Right?

Well…

Hmmm…

Maybe I was a little too judgmental.

Yes, my husband reminds me that a mere month ago, I giggled at the thought of people taking pictures of their cartoon farm.

So, in response to that, I am here to show you pictures of my farm keeping skills…

Enjoy!

Please note the sense of "order" here...

Here… You can appreciate the sense of order that I have here on the farm.

All my animals shoved to nicely into a row.

As you can see, I have the ultimate “brown-nosing” farming techniques DOWN.

Things are a'blooming!

Yes… things are a’blooming!

Life is grand now that I have invested in fencing, yes?

It is that I have two types of fencing here. I have regular white fencing, and I have my new “scary” fencing that is termed as dreadful, that I dropped $48,000 of precious Farmville coins on.

Somehow no one appreciates the beauty of my “goth” gatekeeping skills. My only concern is that I might not have bought enough of these overpriced limited edition funky fake cartoon fencing pieces at $1000 a clip.

Me, being an 18-year veteran of real estate commercial development (no lie), it is imperative that I get this set up just right.

Frankly… I have big plans, but in the beginning, if you would have checked my farm you might have noticed that even my cows have a house.

Five of them.

Yes, my cows had a house, but I was sleeping in the tool shed.

And, not even the big tool shed.

The little one.

That I got for free… from Farmville… because I was so damn fricking cheap to buy it myself.

Well…

I DID have plans, and I was working real hard… saving up my Farmville dough… hoarding my money so that I could make a cool million and invest the beautiful Villa mansion on level 34.

What can I say, baby? Real estate is in my blood.

….

Please, pity me at this moment.

I am now developing cartoon real estate.

So, like I said, I’m working hard on saving up my “experience” credits for the big digs.

Yep, holding out for the Villa.

Million-dollar price tag…

Until I noticed that level 34, the people at that level had about 80,000+ Experience credits compared to my 27,000 Experience credits at level 25. 

Well, I don’t need to be a brainiac (or maybe I do) to understand that to get to level 25, took an average of 1000 credits a level.

And, THAT was a pain in the ass.

Now, facing a difference of 53,000 experience credits to be made up in 9 levels — well, that makes my new average of needing to accomplish approximately 6000 experience credits PER LEVEL from now on.

Well… crap.

Uh… Holy crap.

Can you tell that I was a Math Minor in college?

Well, let just say that I easily can breakdown costs to benefits… and basically I would have about a billion “Farmville” coins before I would even be allowed to buy the freaking villa.

Yeah… like that’s gonna happen.

I’ve got a life, man!

I can’t sit here nursing a cartoon farm up the wa-wa!

I ‘ve got things to do…

People to see…

Places to go…

Oh, yeah…

And, crops to turn. Hold on… My blueberries are withering….

….

…. … .. .

Okay, I’m back.

The blueberries are fine. I am sure that you were concerned, so don’t be.

Well, like I was saying…

I can’t wait for dang villa and level 34!

I can’t sleep in the tool shed… the little tool shed until the end of time.

It’s time to spend some freaking Farmville cash!

So, yeah… I bought the Dreadful fencing pieces… And, the whitewash gates… and a house…

Here's where I sleep now...

And, a barn… and a silo… whatever that is.

Bridal arches. Maybe for my daughter’s wedding there… ;-)

I’ve got a bird house, and a lawnmower, three lakes, a harvesting machine, a tractor, and a seeder.

I have spent a whole bunch on money on arches and entries and mail boxes… and…

Oh, wait…

Look here… a little greeting…

There seems to be a greeting appearing...

Maybe a Hello… How thoughtful!

Uh... Oh my...

Uh… Oh My…

HELP ME NOW!

Oh Goodness… “HELP ME NOW!”

"Or the Cow is... ?"

“Or the Cow is… ?”

My heavens.

Hmmm…

This is worse than even I thought.

Worse than you even thought, I am sure…

Or the cow is…

What?

Or the cow is… toast?

Or the cow is… finished?

Or the cow is…

What?

Steak?

This is serious.

Now you all saw it, right?

That poor cow…

But, wait… another…

Farmville back to normal... Where did the message go?

Farmville back to normal… Where did the message go?

It’s as if it were never there… the plea… the hope… the warning…

Gone.

….

TO BE CONTINUED…!

Be well,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper  78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award WinnerBookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites
BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper

Farmville… Keep It Coming! (Part 2)

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So, it goes like this . . .

TO GET THINGS STARTED AGAIN, we’ll back track a little or you can get the whole prior part of the story by ******* CLICKING HERE *******

But… Then all my peeps and buds on Facebook started sending me all these gifty things for Farmville…

Who knew?

A Pig here.

A Goat.

Two people even sent me some elephants.

Elephants?

Yeah… like those belong on a farm.

Right.

Guess what they make?

Circus Peanuts.

They make circus peanuts.

Hmmm… I hate to break it to you… but those are awfully large “circus peanuts” that come out of a cute little elephant, if you know what I mean.

And… I wouldn’t recommend eating any of those so-called peanuts, okay?

Eeeeeeuuuw.

It’s just wrong.

Well… I had 82 (eighty-two) gifts sitting on my Home Page of Facebook.

Go figure.

82.

That’s quite a bit, right?

But… remember, I was NEVER going to play Farmville.

I have got no time.

Right.

My son nearly died when I told him that I had DELETED THEM ALL.

Yes, I deleted all 82 gifts.

I mean, what hell am I going to do with a pig that finds truffles, right?

I don’t even freaking like truffles.

Gag.

So, needless the say, “am-scray on the ig-pay.”

Until… my son showed me the Farmville light…

I never deleted any gifts again.

Yes, until my son “showed me the light” of Farmville.

I can here the angels sing like the old Star Trek theme song when I think of the word Farmville, now.

How even sadder is that?

Yeah… not good.

You better call the paramedics now.

But, you better make sure that they bring with them a pig that finds those stinking truffles that I can’t stomach (and now I found out that I don’t have to actually eat the truffles), a duck whose down feathers I can sell, or a horse with a “hair problem” or… I am not letting them through the front door.

Come bearing gifts, baby, or the deadbolt stays locked!

So… my dear son made me RE-announce to my FB friends that he was going to suck it up, and help his lame mother with the starting of her farm, and to please start sending gifts again.

Yeah… please forgive the old bag that she deleted all those fabulous gifts… she didn’t know the value of them then. Please forgive that she wasn’t a FV convert, and start sending us some goods so that we can get our farm thing started…

Please…

Little did I know that I was inviting my first “crack” addiction…

Yeah.

Stupid, I was… please send me stuff… and keep it coming… I need to fill my veins with the stuff.

It looked so innocent, right?

So “neighborly”…

And, in the gifts came.

I got so excited!

My son and I were actually able to communicate with the same glazed monitor-ial stare I used to only attibute to him when he played “Martian Rangers Kill Texas Hold-Em.”

I feel so proud.

So honored.

So in need of FA… (Farmville Anonymous).

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…”

“Go ahead honey, you can say it… you’re in a safe and accepting place…”

“Hello… My name is Belle… (pause)… and, I play…FARMVILLE!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying).

There is a rumble in the audience. People twisting in their chairs. FA is a tough crowd, man… they have all survived… FARMVILLE! WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying again — can you hear the addiction in that cry?).

Sad, huh?

Sad. Sad. Saaa-aaad.

“It’s okay, Belle. How many times did you go on ‘the game that shall not be named?'”

And, I mutter through my sobs… I turned on my computer… and I never… I never got off!” WAaaaaah-waa-wahhhhh (me crying still more).

My husband and my parents are sitting next to me for moral support… they are shaking their heads…

“We lost her. She’s our only daughter… And, she’s… well, you heard her… gone… to Farmville.”

My dad pulls out a hanky and blows his nose. My mom… suffers in silence. Slight whimpering, her only evidence that she hasn’t fainted… My husband twists his wedding band around his finger… questioning his 2-year old, “I do.”

The tragedy.

Belle…. Lost to Farmville…

….

TO BE CONTINUED…!                  

TO PROCEED TO THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY ******* CLICK HERE *******

Be well,

Belle

Writer's Digest Award Winner - S. Belle Karper  78th Annual Writer’s Digest Award WinnerBookmark and Share

S. Belle Karper, Author, Speaker www.BelleKarper.com
THE WIDOW WEARS BLACK - An Edgy Memoir from an Outspoken Survivor
Check out S. Belle Karper’s – Beauties and Beasts – Blog! Baby! Blog!
and Belle Karper Face Book & the popular Twitter-Belle - all on Website
Save it, Baby! Count me in! Add to Technorati Favorites
BelleKarper-AuthorSpeaker7.jpg picture by bellekarper

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